Restart

I'm packing at the moment; I've got a great opportunity to do two years of a training post in the second biggest city in England (Manchester). I should be starting in a week time.

Everyone congratulated me when heard about it, it simply means that I'll be doing the same as every junior doctor graduated from U.K, and after the two years I'll be able to apply for further training which is really my dream. To make the long story short; this is what I was dreaming about.

Two years is equal to what I've spent in U.K until now, it means a good time to work hard and improve my knowledge and skills.
Everyone is telling me that Manchester is cheaper; people are nice, still cosmopolitan, and major city. Lots of dreams, plans are waiting to be achieved.

I'm lucky, I thank Allah 100s of times everyday for what the Almighty have given me, I'm going in the right direction and getting what I'm looking for, no one of my friends have got what I had.

Ok, let me be honest; I don't want to go
Stupid, ridiculous, idiot, arrogant, or whatever you want to say;
I know, but please try to get my point.

It's another new life; I was never lucky with a new life; it took me about three years to accept the fact that I left Basra and go on with my life in Baghdad, and after two years of living in UK, I still feel like living in Baghdad not anywhere else.
It's not about what I've got where I'm living; I've got nothing, but I don't want to start a new life, I don't want to meet people, get friends, and then to wave good bye.
I just don't want to suffer.
I remember when I first arrived to where I'm living now about 15 months ago, I had no body to talk to, but there was an Iraqi shop, few Arabs, I went to my consultant saying "Please, I don't want to go back to the horrible town I was living before".

For 15 months I got used to my surrounding, I'll never be in love with it, but I got used to it.
Should I start again? Sit lonely in my room again, walk around lonely, talk to myself, do nothing but wait to finish it, or should try to get used to it till the two years end and then will have to start again somewhere else.
I think this is a particular problem to all doctors in UK, they never settle.

OK, whether I like it or not I'm going there, I've got to go, two years of loneliness, two years of pain, two years of desperation, it’s just two years, so what?

In those two years I'll try to get a completely different attitude, I close my door and try not to socialize, it's much better than having a painful farewell.

One day I'll go back to Iraq and forget all this waste of time.

The Halal's delusions

"So, you don't eat from McDonald's, you've never tried Burger king or any
Of these ones, what do you eat?"

That was my father mocking at me when I told him that I don't eat but Halal food.
He didn't imagine that I don't buy meat from supermarkets, don't eat from the famous take away restaurants or anywhere unless I read the word Halal written somewhere...

This is a particularly interesting subject to me as I feel torn about it; I myself don't believe in the concept of Halal food, yet I can't eat anything else.

For those who don't understand what I'm talking about, Halal is a term used to describe whatever permitted in Islam, the term has been used by people to describe the meat that was slaughtered according to the Islamic way.

I couldn't find anything about Halal food in the Holly Qura'n or the history of Islam.
Thinking further; in case Muslims used to eat their own meat slaughtered by them, how about the ones who used to travel? Did they used to be vegetarian?!

Thinking that way, I decided about 18 months ago that as soon as I leave London, I would start eat every type of meat regardless it's Halal or not.
And truly the place I lived in was pure English where you can't find any Halal meat, I went to the closest supermarket, but simply couldn't buy the meat, I realized that there is some sort of phobia which I'm unable to control, I spent two moths eating fish and vegetables and tasting meat only when invited to the consultant's house.
Well; it didn't last long and soon as I changed my place I got a place where I can buy Halal meat.
The only point to support the matter of Halal food is t e fact that; some of the animals are being strangulated rather than slaughtered which is not allowed in Islam.


With the time going I realized that the word itself is a source of profit; it's enough to write it on the front door of your shop, and you'll attract all the Muslims to buy from you. And strangely I found that in most of the cities I visited in Europe.

I'm sure that eating meat is not something Allah would punish us for, I'm 90% confident that the whole matter of Halal food is hoax, yet, I'm unable to put anything else in my mouth; it's probably the Halal's delusions.
What do you think?
The photo above is from Venice.

With them again

I kept looking at her while she was trying to find the bored and check when my flight would arrive.
I've just arrived yesterday from my annual leave; I went to Gulf where my family is being gathered at the moment, they were the best days I had for a long time; I enjoyed every second, and do regret coming back, yet, I had to or as it was described by someone; it's for my future.

I did my best not to waste the time; left work at 06:30 p.m to be at the airport by 08:00 p.m and flying by 10:30p.m; that meant being with them as early as possible.


As soon as we arrived to our house; I met my two sisters and my grandfather; the family is together again, what a fun, I can't describe how happy I was, I really miss that moment.


We did everything together, we went for shopping, we visited our friends and we sat together on one table to eat: I've been eating lonely for a long time.

Well; my parents daily arguments were part of the fun we were having, everyday the used to argue about something new, and trying to find a different reason for the next day argument, the first argument was about their wedding 30 years ago and the very last one was about who had the chance to spend more time with me!!

Going out with my mother and sisters was more than great, it's just very warm to feel being with them.

And fun started when we went skiing; a very little girl looked at me asking "Don't you know how to ski?" "Of course I do", I immediately replied; she saw me about to fall six times after that chat.


A couple of days later we went to the fun land, while taking the shaking flying chairs, it suddenly stopped!! "Excuse me; are you scared?!" the rude operator stopped the game and was directing his question to me, "No, I'm not" I replied with frustration to his impolite question, "Look, in case you're scared, I can stop shaking your chair and make it just flying not going up and down", "Yes, please do it" was my sister's reply. I wasn't scared at all, but that rude guy noticed that I was holding the handle very tightly and putting my head down, fixing it by my arm while my eyes were closed, later on my mother told me that it was very funny that only my chair was fixed!!

Just one day before flying back we had a special visit from our dearest friends in Saudi Arabia, we had a wonderful time together and everyone enjoyed my mother special dishes.

I'm really unable to express how I felt; it was more than a great time, I noticed how my father was behaving.

We went to buy special sweet (Halawa) when he spoke to the guy saying "look, this my son, he is a doctor, he works in England, he will take those sweat with him, so we want something special with extra nuts".
The same words were told to the butcher, the grocer and to everyone he met, it was the first time I saw him not able to control his emotions, he is probably getting old.

And just on our way to the airport, I listened to his words, few words which made my year……

"Dear son….. I want you to know that your mother and I have got no one to rely on but Allah and you, I'm quite happy with your hard work and I'm really satisfy about you but……never hesitate to help people, whenever you do, Allah will pay you back.

I want you to learn as much as possible and to be in love with science, try to read as much as possible, you're not expected to write a research now but you can read one.
As much as you work hard as much as you get more knowledge and always remember what Immam Shafi said:
كلما أدبني الدهر أراني ضعف عقلي...........وكلما زادني علما" زادني علما" بجهلي
Whenever life taught me it showed how little my brain is and whenever it tried to improve my knowledge it tells how ignorant I was.

I want you to treat every patient you get with honor, never ever forget that you're a doctor and have got a great mission in your life.
And please; give my regards to Dr. M, tell her that we're unable to pay her back for what she did with you, but Allah will do, the almighty always does."

His words were the best I heard in my life; it's always my dream to get my parents satisfaction, I know that I've got to work hard to maintain what I've got.

Those days were brilliant, and yet…I'm back …..Waiting to see them again…..maybe in a year time…..Oh my God

Taboo

I was totally shocked when she was laughing with the colleage who is in her age saying: “I know that you’ve got a very tiny onein between your legs”.

I kept quiet as he didn’t reply the way I would, and everyone took it as a funny joke.

I felt that this western girl had just crossed the red zone.

As a child, teenaher or a young; I had no input from the family about sex, my father never discussed it with me, neither anyone else did, No explanations, no warrnings and no advise.

And none of my freinds had such discussion with their parents.

I don’t know whether the mother teachs her daughter anything about sex or they keep it quiet as men do.

By the age of 15, I couldn’t imagine how a man would be able to ask his wife to give him something she keeps protecting for ages “how would he dare? And how would she agree? “Was the question which I couldn’t imagine an answer for it. It was totally away from my mind that the women would be looking for such thing.

With time I realized that these things come without discussions; at least in my culture!

Talking about sex is something most people would avoid in my culture, many would be brave enough admitting that they don’t believe in God, but when it’s about sex, then we would be crossing the limits.

What happens for the newly married couples? What is accpetable? And what is not? All are questions without answers.

Whatever happens in between the man and woman would be for them only not to be explained or discussed with the others.

And the only thing we learnt from religion that having anal sex is haram according to Sunnis while Sistani consideres it Halal.

I believe that regardless where we live; it’s more related to the way that we were brought up considering sex a highly privete and embaressing matter.

However, this might sometimes lead to dizasters, and yet, we should keep quiet about those dizasters and not to discuss them in public!

Well; few stories I know would raise many questions:

The first one was “O” whose freinds were concerned that he was quite shy and wouldn’t achieve the mission in the first night.

Trying to help him; “M” voluntarly added some whisky to his juice without letting him know, thinking that would kill the shyness.

As a result of that, the poor “O” spent his first night vomiting as he never had alchohol before.

What a fun his wife had.

The second one was a lady who had some sort of phobia from sex; it took them a week rather than a night to do it for the first time.

They kept telling the doctor that they’re having sex every other night, while in fact they hardly managed it once every week, no wounder they got no children, which is disturbing their life.

The third one was a lady whose husbend had another woman in his life, which was enough to turn her life into a misry.

Trying to calm her down, I explained that he might be looking for fun and sex as feels he is still young.

“But, he is not quite good and keen on these things” was a reply which I kept quiet after hearing.

And the forth one was about a couple who also didn’t have children, kept checking with their doctor and all the investigations were always normal, the lady was absolutely fine and the guy’s sperm sample was always normal untill he was asked to give the sample in the clinic not to bring it later.

He admitted that he kept bringing his freind’s sample as he knew already he had a problem but didn’t want to lose his pride.

From those storeis I can tell that; we have poor education about sex and we consider sex as a matter of dignity (especially for men) as man can’t be impotent and can’t be sexually inactive, and in case he was then he is supposed to keep quiet.

While women’s dignity is preserved since she is a virgin which is another complex we’ve got

It’s not about one or two guys, but thinking about the third story, I had a discussion with one of the urology doctors back home; I thought he would have seen many men at their fifties and sixtees seeking help.

He told me that many guys at their thirtees and twentees are seeking help to improve their sexual performance, but of course that should be a secret.

Compared to the western world, we’re totally different; when “S” went to her son’s school seeking the teacher’s help as the child was asking about the difference between man and woman, the teacher was surprised and replied to her “Don’t you and his father walk naked at home?!!”.

I’m not here trying to say which one is right, but I believe that we’ve got a serious problem which should be solved rather than kept as taboo.

If men are not performing enough, they should seek advice, they should keep in their minds that women need them to be sexually active and try their best to make them enjoy being together rather than having it as homework.

We need to think more about the new generation and start teaching them proper things rather then letting them learning from the street.

I think the matter was brilliantly discussed in Adel Immam’s movie “Sleeping in honey” And another movie "The Ostrich and the Peacock"

Venezia

"I hate you, OK! I really do, I hate you"

A second ago she was showing her sympathy for the poor lonely me!
She said that with a big smile on her face, as soon as I told her about my plan for this trip.

Well; I was doing night shifts last week, so they gave three days off work, I didn't know what to do, and eventually decided to visit the lovely place everyone talking about: "Venice".

Romantic is the proper description for this place, I think I was the only single in the whole city.
Yet, I had a good time walking around and taking about 600 photos.

After arriving to Marco polo airport; I found myself totally lost, eventually I put my things in a taxi and rushed to the hotel.

Arriving there, I realized that my hotel wasn't in Venice itself, but it wasn't too far, just 20 minutes by train.

The city itself is not big; it's really walkable, all what you see is narrow rivers

Narrow roads to the extent of one person width

Lovely bridges

And of course lots of wounderful churches were you find great paintings.

I was given a book before going there telling me where to go

S. Marc square is a very famous busy place


Palazo Ducale

It was a problem that photos are not allowed inside most of the places, yet; I managed some


Academia is a big famous church, were flashes are not allowed but photos are fine

Leonardo Da Vinci has got special place


Then, while walking around, I found somewhere got Peggy collection; رجاءً لحد يسأل منو هذا لأن ما أعرف بس طلع بيه العينتين

Picasso
هو رسوماته كلش بديعة ؛ غير بس لو أفتهمها !!!

There were other exhibitions which I visited like the musical instruments one


With the sunset, Venice looks different



And for sure, I'm still following the instructions and had the chance to eat the lovely Italian food
But fride squids wasn't great; just like eating cartilage

And very nice cookies and sweets

Everything is artistic even the internet cafe

Sitting on the train, going back to the hotel, I asked myself: where does this place remind me of? Narrow roads, old houses, small narrow rivers, and gondolas?

My childhood, visiting grandma in Abu Al-Khasib, isn't it pretty similar to this one, how does it look like now? It has been such a long time since my last trip there.
Basra could have been more beautiful.

Any way; guys, especially(Iraqi rose Marsho) who I exceptionally wish seeing her there , you should go to Venice when you have partners, the only reason I went there is if not now then would never.
I share this with you as I've got no one else......
I'm exhausted at the moment and again doing nights.......

What to buy them?

I was already prepared for this phone chat.

“Hi, is it A&Eiraqi”

“Yes, how can I help?”

“My name is F, and I’m the guy who newley proposed to your little sister, I just wanted to talk to you introducing myself”.

Well; we talked for about hal an hour, a careful chat, explaining our points of view, what our future plans are and trying to tell what we want.

He sounded so polite and enthusiastic.

After a little while, I sat down and started thinking; she is old enough now, I just can’t realize that she has been at the marriage age, nearly a qualified dentist! Still remember that she was only 15kg, what a time! It’s running.

All that time we kept fighting, it was always her and I, fight even without reason, we used to disagree just to disagree, I was always strong enough to beat her up but she was smart enough to keep crying so loud and gaining the parent’s support ending up with me having a hard time.

And yet she is now a bride (3aroosa); how ome?

Well; I explained to him that the (Yes or No) is not my role in this matter; it’s her fathr’s and hers, my duty is to help her as much as possible, and since she chose him, then it’s my duty to support them.

Oh, God, am I not going to attend her wedding? I won’t see her in the white dress, and not hug her at her wedding.

Poor sister, you’ll be alone at this moment, hopefully mum will be there as well as my older sister, wish they would help.

Sice then I started thinking what to do? What to prepare?

What should I buy her? And what should I buy him? What can I get to please her?

It’s the only opportunity I got to please her; it’s the only time I can help.

I want to buy her a dress, what typ of dress; I know nothing about women’s wear, but I want to buy her something nice, a stylish thing, what else?

Maybe a nice suit as well; God, don’t know what to do, but should do a lot.

I phoned my mum who instead of giving me her advice, kept praying to see me getting married.

Mum; I’m not going to get married, I tried my chance and failed, that is so enough, please stop it.

It’s not only mum, but strangely everyone is trying to push me in that direction, like I was the only single man in this world.

I just want to co ncentrate on helping them without interupting their privacy, I just wish them all the best and not to fail like I did.

I wish him all the best and wish he knows how to manage a relationship not like me.

Ok, everyone please; I’m waiting for your suggestions about the dress I buy her.

I’ve found one which could be nice but not sure

Yom ilelkom

Accused

"Yes, you're neither Sunni nor Shia, you're a baathist".
OK, that was what Firishteh said yesterday while chatting quickly over the phone.
I assume she said the word to be an accusation or maybe an offense.

She is not the only one who accuses nowadays, in addition to baathist;I've been accused of being; Sunni, Saddamist, Arabist ,affected by his mother and biased to Shia and eventually Iranian/3ajmi!!!

I honestly don't feel like being on any of these sides, but whoever says something should be shat up by one way or another.
I never joind Baath party, never claimed being a herro, never defended Saddam, never been shia, and wouldn't claim being sunni as it's not something I would be proud of.

It's just the concept of ignoring the facts to defend one side , is what pissed me off.
Accusing them would be the easiest way to shut them up, as people would be busy defending themselves.
This is implied on all the sides not only one side; whoever against the corrupt government, is a sectarian sunni baathist, whoever against baath or disagree with what Sadda did is an Iranian/American's shoes licker.


And the most fin is accusing someone of causing all the problems would help hiding the truth that we're sinking in a mud.
Thinking about this matter, I found this photo which made me smile.

The one who draw such thing should be baathist, isn't it