I'm packing at the moment; I've got a great opportunity to do two years of a training post in the second biggest city in England (Manchester). I should be starting in a week time.
Everyone congratulated me when heard about it, it simply means that I'll be doing the same as every junior doctor graduated from U.K, and after the two years I'll be able to apply for further training which is really my dream. To make the long story short; this is what I was dreaming about.
Two years is equal to what I've spent in U.K until now, it means a good time to work hard and improve my knowledge and skills.
Everyone is telling me that Manchester is cheaper; people are nice, still cosmopolitan, and major city. Lots of dreams, plans are waiting to be achieved.
I'm lucky, I thank Allah 100s of times everyday for what the Almighty have given me, I'm going in the right direction and getting what I'm looking for, no one of my friends have got what I had.
Ok, let me be honest; I don't want to go
Stupid, ridiculous, idiot, arrogant, or whatever you want to say;
I know, but please try to get my point.
It's another new life; I was never lucky with a new life; it took me about three years to accept the fact that I left Basra and go on with my life in Baghdad, and after two years of living in UK, I still feel like living in Baghdad not anywhere else.
It's not about what I've got where I'm living; I've got nothing, but I don't want to start a new life, I don't want to meet people, get friends, and then to wave good bye.
I just don't want to suffer.
I remember when I first arrived to where I'm living now about 15 months ago, I had no body to talk to, but there was an Iraqi shop, few Arabs, I went to my consultant saying "Please, I don't want to go back to the horrible town I was living before".
For 15 months I got used to my surrounding, I'll never be in love with it, but I got used to it.
Should I start again? Sit lonely in my room again, walk around lonely, talk to myself, do nothing but wait to finish it, or should try to get used to it till the two years end and then will have to start again somewhere else.
I think this is a particular problem to all doctors in UK, they never settle.
OK, whether I like it or not I'm going there, I've got to go, two years of loneliness, two years of pain, two years of desperation, it’s just two years, so what?
In those two years I'll try to get a completely different attitude, I close my door and try not to socialize, it's much better than having a painful farewell.
One day I'll go back to Iraq and forget all this waste of time.