"But, this one is expensive! You shouldn't have spent your money on me"
The event might have no relationship to what I'm writing about; but I feel it does, as I've reached a stage of being really upset and just about to shout; a strange feeling I never thought of.
Here we go; a week ago I started my new career; my foundation program, I'm doing a training post in what is called the Greater Manchester in the Great Brittan; all sounds great.
Day one was the day which all the newly graduated doctors in the U.K were dreaming about and I'm apparently supposed to be just like them.
Waiting in the conference room to start the induction day; we all had to put our details on papers, sign many documents and wait for the talk.
After short introduction; the program included a speech for the chief executive of the hospital; I kept thinking for a while: how successful someone should be to become a chief executive? What would he tell us to learn from his experience? Will he teach us how to be successful just like him?
Well; he didn't bother coming; and sent someone to give the speech; the best one for the first day; the financial manager, thought he would advise us well for our career.
The man talked about nothing but money; first of all "the hospital is down for three million Pounds" (should I care!), "We're working hard to get that money".
The unpleasant start didn't end shortly as the "Apparently" Medical Director of the hospital started after the financial manager and he mentioned the word (money) more then anything else.
I'm in a place where the main concerns are money; we should use the bigger more painful needle to take blood sample rather than the small less painful one as it costs much less.
We should wash our hands many times and do our best to protect our patients from getting infections not for the sake of their good health but because the hospital will be charged for every case of hospital acquired infection above the limit.
Two wards in the hospital are rented to another hospital for patients who need rehab but we as doctors have got to go and see those patients if they get unwell during the night as they’ve got no on call doctors on these wards.
One building is being rented to a foreign company to be used as a private surgical centre, and of course they've got no doctors on call and we have to run there for every cardiac arrest happens.
The car park is sold to a company which charges a lot for using it.
Cost is the only concern and money is a priority.
I do admit that working as a doctor gives me good income and I've got to admit that I'm a type of person who is always ready to work extra hours to earn more.
Yet; the thing I enjoy about my job is the human side of it; making people feel better, saving someone's life or treating his illness is a joy.
Feeling smart when I detect something early and treat it appropriately is a passion.
All of sudden I'm feeling sick for this life; many people have got the (Do not resuscitate) forms already signed not to preserve their dignity as many people try to say but just not to waste money.
Money, money, money, it's all about money
I'm working on a ward where there is no one touch tympanic thermometer; and instead of it there is two minutes waiting under the tongue stick.
When I asked why the answer was (it was broken and they didn't buy a new one, well doctor this one is easy to be used and accurate).
Every patient in this country spent a fortune in his life paying taxes and they end up
with such a poor service; that simply how life is unfair; that's why I'm upset.
There was a weekend when I had no more than £5 in my pocket, but I didn’t feel helpless as I’m feeling now.
Going back to the top line; this was my aunt who joined me while moving to my new place, being unhappy with me buying her a gift which she thought it was too much.
She wasn’t the only one saying so; it has been said many times; (My money) what a joke!
Seems she forgot all the time she used to collect from her very small income to send it to us, she forgot all what she did or probably I’m supposed to forget.
When says (your money) I don’t know what to reply; should that be only mine; then what should I do with; drink it? Could Iraq drink its oil?
Or probably I should collect it and put it later on my grave.
I never hated money as much as I do now.
“Show me that you feel happy with it, or at least just smile; it might make me feel alive or being able to do something worthy, I do feel worthless”.
That how I replied