Wednesday, 21 May 2008

To Step Down

Well; these days are not mine. I’ve been feeling down for a little while, missing home, feeling lonely and trying hard to improve my performance at work.

But today there was something good, Dr. S offered to be my educational adviser, that’s brilliant, I like Dr.S, he is so polite and such a decent person.

I’ve booked for a course and exam next month, and started thinking seriously about working hard for the next 3 years to get the Membership of the Royal College of physicians, I’ve been asking all my colleagues about the exams, the books to read and the best time to sit making sure that I manage the time interval between each one properly.

Those exams are costy, hard and require very high level of knowledge; I was telling myself that getting that membership would be the proof that I’m a good doctor.

Well; today just after I finished talking to Nada telling her that I’m thinking about those exams, and as soon as I arrived home, even before taking off my clothes, my bleep went on.

I rang the extension, and started saying “Hello, did you bleep me?”

Someone replied “Yes, it’s Dr. S, are you around?”

“No, I’m at home, do you need anything Dr.S?”

“No, I thought of having a chat with you, but it’s all right leave it for tomorrow”

“Well; Dr.S, I live ten minutes away from the hospital, I’ll come if you’re staying”

“Are you sure? You don’t have to”

“Yes, I’m coming; it’s kind of you giving me your time”

I went to the hospital filled with hopes and ideas, should I ask him about those exams? Does he want to discuss my future career? I think he wouldn’t mind giving me a good reference, maybe he has got some omissions and wants to advice me.

The guy was as polite and kind as usual, took me in a sperate room, asked me to have a seat and started asking me how it’s going on the ward.

I admitted that it’s my first job on the ward, and I’m doing my best to cope.

“Look, I think it was not fair to you putting you in that position, I’m not saying you’re not doing well, but we should not expect you to do as much as the others, you’ve just started, while even the most junior ones have been working for 8 months, I know you’re trying to catch up with them, but it needs time”

That was what he said to me.

Well, Dr. S, I never tried to go beyond my knowledge or experience and I’m always discussing my management plans with my senior colleagues!

“I know you’re doing that, but I’ve got to make it clear to everyone that we’re expecting your performance to be like the most juniors not like the ones in your post level, is that all right.”

I left him after saying thanks, but walked with the bowed neck thinking, I didn’t ask for that post, they asked me to do it, I’ve been doing my best to cope, it’s just that I’m from a place where everything is different.

I’ve got to admit that it’s my own fault, it might be much better if I was a type of person who studies alot, and I was never like that, I always pass my exams with accepted or average scores, I’m more attracted to the clinical side than the theoretical one.

But, now it’s much different, I felt like he was telling me that I’m scientifically empty, like not being competent for the post I’m filling, I honestly don’t know what to do


It's just too hard

4 comments:

Don Cox said...

Can I offer my sympathy? I guess you feel much like I did when I was sacked from my cancer research job back in the 60s. Don't take it too hard, just grit your teeth and keep going. Maybe a bit of studying on some topic you feel weak on would increase your confidence. Medicine nowadays is very technical.

Abbas Hawazin said...

I realize nothing I would say would offer much help, I am still inexperienced and have not been fired before, I only hope that you can get another job quite easily.

Anand said...

You aren't alone. You have 26 million Iraqis behind you.

You are made of tough stuff, as you know. You don't need me to tell you to remember that.

Tara said...

تعليقي كلش متأخر
بس آني اليوم يللا قريت البوست
و كلش فهمت عليك
لسبب بسيط
انو اني مثلك

هنا التدريب و الشغل و السيستم كله غير عن اللي احنا نعرفه بالعراق

والسنة اللي قضيتها هنا تعادل الخمس سنوات اللي اشتغلتهم بالعراق

حتى الدوام اطول و عدنا خفارات
و المصورين يسوون شغلهم مضبوط

بالعراق ما جان عند طبيب الاشعة خفارات
و دوامنا طبعا خمس ساعات و نقضيها بالسوالف
و نكعد قبل الامتحان اربع اشهر بس ندرخ

و من اجيت و شافوا عندي خمس سنين بعد الاختصاص خلوني بدرجة اعلى طبعا

يعني نفس موقفك بالضبط

الله كريم
اني اقرا سورة يس قبل بداية كل اسبوع حتى الله يسترها وياي


بس تعرف بعد فترة الحالات تتكرر و تصير تعرفها و الامور شوية تصير اسهل

و لايهمك
و لا تضوج
احنا كدها
و باجر نرجع للعراق و نفيده باللي د نتعلمه هسة

اليوم اني خفر و يوم الخميس همين
ادعيلي