Thursday, 18 October 2007

miss you.....3mi

3mi and 3mti (the translation of uncle and aunt) are the terms used by Iraqi doctors to address their senior collages.
It was the A&E unit where I first met Ammar (or 3ammar); I was a first year medical student at that time and he was the chief registrar in the hospital; and he was quite strong person who everyone used to be careful while dealing with him.
I was examining one of the patients when he noticed that I was performing the wrong test; he immediately pulled me away and kept shouting “What on earth made you do so? Where are the doctors here who let you with the patients on your own”.
I was shocked and scared; I was just 19 year old and I was the most junior one; I kept quiet while he went on shouting and shouting, I sat away like a scared little child who had done something wrong!!
I realized that I was in a big trouble as he would never forgive such thing and he can kick me outside the hospital.

He kept putting an eye on me whenever he came to the A&E unit; I used to get worried whenever I see him.
Ammar & his team used to be on call every Saturday; and I had to call them whenever there was a critical or emergency condition; I remember how he looked at me when I woke him up once saying angrily “ For God’s sake, can’t you realize that I’m a senior registrar; there are my junior collages who you should consult first”.
I was quite sure that he would never let it go anymore; I was quite sure that he hates me so much.

Strangely; I was mistaken, he became vey nice to me, he added me to the surgical team and kept teaching me from the early beginning, we gradually became friends; or probably he adopted me.
Years went while I was his assistant.
I was the only junior student allowed to enter the elective operative theatre; I was allowed to participate in some of the work and introduced to all the consultants.
Being a member in the first surgical unit team was something great; we used to walk together like an army; it was just a nice feeling of being a doctor.
We became fiends; and always in touch; I grew up and he finished his studies and became a consultant; yet, nothing changed between us, he was always (3mi); and I was always Ammar’s son.

The last thing he did before he left the hospital was taking me to everyone he knew there saying to them “ Look; this is my friend and brother; when he needs something that means I need it; and you’ll be doing it for me”.
The only thing which used to disappoint him was my ideas to leave; he wanted me to stay and let him supervise my training till I become a good surgeon.

Unluckily; I couldn’t hug him good bye before I left Iraq, I couldn’t thank him for the last time; I couldn’t wish him a good life, and of course I wasn’t able to pay him back, as he was working in a district town far away from Baghdad; I was quite sure that there won’t be such person in my life; the one who gives just for giving; the one who teaches just to teach; just to see me better.
In fact; I believed that I was too old to be adopted.

Ammar is the only one who never misunderstood my words; the only one who never had suspicions about my behaviour and the only one who never ever thought that I wanted his friendship for a benefit; the thing which many people can’t believe.

I kept asking about him but nobody knows anything; all what we know that he works in that district town where we’re unable to contact him or to hear from him.
I just need to see how he is; has he got any children? How is he doing in his new life? Is he still alive?

I just need to see him, to hug him once more, to tell him how much I miss him, to tell him that I’m not going to be a surgeon, I’m going to stay in the A&E; in the place where we first met.
I need to tell him that I hate this life which made us live away from each other and deprive me from such a great friend.

While being away; while feeling lonely depressed and misunderstood, when nobody cares, when life is not going well; I saw a glimpse of Ammar’s personality; a hand stretched to help me; I felt that he is around; his warmth, his kindness, his funny behaviour sometimes.

I see Ammar’s face in everyone’s face when they try to give me something, when they try to look after me for no reason; I saw him when someone shouted to me for my own benefit.
I feel like he follows me like an angel, he is around wherever I go, his hand is stretched to catch my hand and he is smiling the same smile I used to see on his face.
I see him now in someone else; and I’m scared of losing him again.


Marshmallow26 said...

Hello A&Eiraqi,

I still don't know yet what is A and E would you explain that breifly please?

هذا ينطبق عليك المثل اللي يكول امشي ورة اللي يبجيك و لا تمشي ورة اللي يضحكك
بالبداية كان هذا الشخص مسببلك رعب بس بعدين شوف شلون ذاب الخوف و اتحول الى صداقة حقيقية و تعاون

A&Eiraqi said...

Hello Marsho
A&E هو اختصاص طبي: بالعربي طواريء
انا قضيت سنوات اتدرب في وحدة الطواريء و لهذا احبها جداً و فيها التقيت معظم اصدقائي و علاقاتي لحد ما كنت اوصف ب
اذا تضيعه تلكيه بالطواريء!!

صحيح امشي ورا الي يبجيك


H.N.K said...

It's soooo touching, I want to know this person( Ammmar I mean).

I think this person is the one who maybe change your life to better, don't you think!!
So it's natural to miss this person and it's so hard not to hear from his and not to know about him for years.

A&Eiraqi said...

Dear h.n.k
I can't add words to what you said; I really miss him and he really represents a great deal in my life that's why he is 3mi
I wish I could hear from him to make you know.