Confusing Thoughts

“I was surprised when I heard you saying that, I used to consider you very religious”. This was what a friend of mine said to me after I had told her that I can’t be fair to advise her about her problem.

The young doctor, who accepted to put on the head scarf for the sake of her suitor, had realized that her dream in lovely life has turned into a nightmare. She was not allowed to listen to music, to chat with her previous friends especially men, and should wear more “religiously” accepted clothes apart from the scarf.
After couple of months, she called me seeking for my help as she was looking for divorce. I told her that I’m ready to help her, however, I can’t give her my opinion , I said :“I’m fed up with religious people” I said one thing which she totally agreed about “you have to choose, either to live as a divorced women or to live as a bondwoman”.
Eventually, she decided to keep on living with her husband for the sake of her family and society.

For a long time I used to be categorized as a religious person as I’m keen on learning religion and having religious philosophy, furthermore; living this life without breaking its rules.

However, I didn’t fit among the religious people as I had odd ideas in their considerations, I remember a guy who used to be my classmate in the university, he came once asking about my opinion in the college trip, isn’t it “Haram” (forbidden by Allah) as people are singing, dancing and both sexes are mixed together, I told him that, it’s not a mandatory trip, who doesn’t like it, can avoid it.
I remember how he looked at me with disgust saying “do you think so?”

The main problem between religious and non-religious people in my society is: as soon as people become religious they get convinced that they’re superior and they’ll end in Heaven while all the others are going to Hell, so they start showing disrespect towards the others!
As a Muslim keen on religion I’m quite sure this is not Islam and has noting to do with religion, yet, it’s the attitude of the vast majority of the religious people so whatever I say defending religion wouldn’t have any living proof.

Many people are unable to realize that: it took the profit Mohamed (PBUH) 23 yeas to convince a group of people in a small area about his religion and yet, not all of them were convinced.

Being religious in my philosophy means being a mirror which reflects the image of religion, and in case we don’t, that means either religion is a narrow minded philosophy as it’s not directed to the humanity in general, or we’ve failed to understand it properly.

Showing disrespect means ending the discussion before it starts, no one will go to the side of those who keep telling him that he will end in Hell; no one is ready to be considered as inferior.

It’s a fact that people teach their children the rules of religion rather than its ethics and values.

When I think about this matter, I consider non religious people, who spend time, money and sometimes sacrifice their lives, trying to help people, really great as they don’t do things waiting for a reward in the other life while the religious ones are looking for that reward.
“Gandhi” is a good example for what I’m trying to say, he represents a symbol for human liberation and peace, the great man had entirely different beliefs from the ones we have, he didn’t need our beliefs to be great. Will we sound sensible if we disrespect him?

I’m a human being, I can’t stop myself from being in love with people just because they’re different, still they’re human beings just like I , they love, they help, they give, and yet, they don’t believe in things I’m convinced about.

There is something inside me, I’m not sure what it is, it asks me about my priority, is it the religion anymore? It should be.

I’m not as religious as I used to be, still I’m believer and I’m doing my worships but not with the same passion I used to have!

I think about all what we consider as priorities; we spend our life arguing and fighting for our priorities, we’re ready to hurt the others, to sacrifice their friendship, to ignore their sufferance and sometimes we ignore all what they did for us just to prove that we’re right!
Are those “priorities” fixed? Won’t we be changed gradually? Should we sacrifice love and friendship just to convince ourselves that we’re right? Won’t e regret it later on? Isn’t it a type of stupidity that we hurt the ones who we love just to show loyalty to our beliefs?

Maybe what I feel now is just a transient matter which will end soon, I’m not sure if religion agrees with me or not, but as far as I believe; the Almighty knows it whether I say it or not.
I like people as they are, I don’t feel that I have the duty of converting them, I like people for how good and nice they are not for being on my side or for agreeing with what I think, and all what I wish is to keep being like that!
I think that we sometimes waste our time arguing with the ones we love instead of enjoying the time with them, we live this life once and we should know how to enjoy it and with the ones we love not with someone else.

The last phone calls I made were with two of those who are closed to my heart, my cousin who told me that she has stopped wearing the scarf and my dearest friend who admitted that he has started drinking; both of them were waiting to listen to me giving them one of my religious lectures, both of their actions are condemned in my religion.
I congratulated my cousin and I replied to my friend: “well done, try to enjoy this life”!

** I’ve been trying helplessly to write this post for the last few months, it might sound confusing as I feel confused!