Coughing

Not sure what is wrong but my motivation to write is going down, it has been a little while since I’ve been unable to put my thoughts in a coherent way!!!

Not only in writing, I had the same feeling last time had a discussion with Firishteh and Taghreed, I felt like I was the one who was unable to express his thoughts and had to shut up when they all started arguing.

I’ll try to put my thoughts in a random ay, maybe for the last time.

It has been almost a year now since I had that terrible toothache; something I couldn’t manage and was enough to make me wish to die.

After a year; I started coughing, it started as a sore throat which I decided to ignore, but got worse, it just brought back my feelings I had a year ago: what am I doing here? Why should I go on?

It’s the night again when I’m on my own but this time coughing.

Trying to look to the positive side; I feel much better than a year ago, I’m working now, improving my skills, my seniors are happy with my performance and I’m earning very good.

I’ve got friends who I see once a week or every fortnight, I can afford going to a restaurant and having a good meal, furthermore I can go for a holiday from time to time.

In the middle of these random thoughts, the news came to put me down.

(H) is one of those who I left back home, he is a dear friend who I call 3mi, and I have a special reminence in his wedding to 3emmeh D when kept dancing and jumping till his family offered me an extra meal or my efforts.

Since I left H had a hard time as he was kidnapped, tortured and released after paying a big sum of money and forced to leave his house.

He passed the hard experience, realized that there is no way to leave the country, so decided to go on with his career, living with his wife’s family in a room which is enough for him, his wife and their only Ahmed.

Seems life refused to leave him in peace, his wife is one of those who were blessed by the American mercy of Depleted Uranium.

She had a breast cancer.......

The word itself is enough to scare anyone

Cancer is not a cough, not an infection, it’s a long list of things, and pain won’t be the last.

When you’re a doctor; you know better what cancer is, and when you’re a woman; breast cancer is something just so horrible.

She is a lady doctor has a 3 years old son.

God

God

Poor H and D, what hard life have you got?

I phoned him immediately; pretending that I don’t know anything:

“How are you 3mi?” was my first question

“Well; don’t ask me how I am, it’s not good for you to know my news, leave them”

I tried to stretch my hand wondering whether I can help by any means.

His “Thanks a lot” came to me like “You can’t do anything, you can’t help”

I felt like I’m far away from everyone, I’m really useless, I sorted myself, but couldn’t help anyone.

Never imagined myself being selfish, but seems I have been.

Am I loosing everything? Am I loosing the “good guy” I used to be?

My cough is getting worse