I was totally shocked when she was laughing with the colleage who is in her age saying: “I know that you’ve got a very tiny onein between your legs”.
I kept quiet as he didn’t reply the way I would, and everyone took it as a funny joke.
I felt that this western girl had just crossed the red zone.
As a child, teenaher or a young; I had no input from the family about sex, my father never discussed it with me, neither anyone else did, No explanations, no warrnings and no advise.
And none of my freinds had such discussion with their parents.
I don’t know whether the mother teachs her daughter anything about sex or they keep it quiet as men do.
By the age of 15, I couldn’t imagine how a man would be able to ask his wife to give him something she keeps protecting for ages “how would he dare? And how would she agree? “Was the question which I couldn’t imagine an answer for it. It was totally away from my mind that the women would be looking for such thing.
With time I realized that these things come without discussions; at least in my culture!
Talking about sex is something most people would avoid in my culture, many would be brave enough admitting that they don’t believe in God, but when it’s about sex, then we would be crossing the limits.
What happens for the newly married couples? What is accpetable? And what is not? All are questions without answers.
Whatever happens in between the man and woman would be for them only not to be explained or discussed with the others.
And the only thing we learnt from religion that having anal sex is haram according to Sunnis while Sistani consideres it Halal.
I believe that regardless where we live; it’s more related to the way that we were brought up considering sex a highly privete and embaressing matter.
However, this might sometimes lead to dizasters, and yet, we should keep quiet about those dizasters and not to discuss them in public!
Well; few stories I know would raise many questions:
The first one was “O” whose freinds were concerned that he was quite shy and wouldn’t achieve the mission in the first night.
Trying to help him; “M” voluntarly added some whisky to his juice without letting him know, thinking that would kill the shyness.
As a result of that, the poor “O” spent his first night vomiting as he never had alchohol before.
What a fun his wife had.
The second one was a lady who had some sort of phobia from sex; it took them a week rather than a night to do it for the first time.
They kept telling the doctor that they’re having sex every other night, while in fact they hardly managed it once every week, no wounder they got no children, which is disturbing their life.
The third one was a lady whose husbend had another woman in his life, which was enough to turn her life into a misry.
Trying to calm her down, I explained that he might be looking for fun and sex as feels he is still young.
“But, he is not quite good and keen on these things” was a reply which I kept quiet after hearing.
And the forth one was about a couple who also didn’t have children, kept checking with their doctor and all the investigations were always normal, the lady was absolutely fine and the guy’s sperm sample was always normal untill he was asked to give the sample in the clinic not to bring it later.
He admitted that he kept bringing his freind’s sample as he knew already he had a problem but didn’t want to lose his pride.
From those storeis I can tell that; we have poor education about sex and we consider sex as a matter of dignity (especially for men) as man can’t be impotent and can’t be sexually inactive, and in case he was then he is supposed to keep quiet.
While women’s dignity is preserved since she is a virgin which is another complex we’ve got
It’s not about one or two guys, but thinking about the third story, I had a discussion with one of the urology doctors back home; I thought he would have seen many men at their fifties and sixtees seeking help.
He told me that many guys at their thirtees and twentees are seeking help to improve their sexual performance, but of course that should be a secret.
Compared to the western world, we’re totally different; when “S” went to her son’s school seeking the teacher’s help as the child was asking about the difference between man and woman, the teacher was surprised and replied to her “Don’t you and his father walk naked at home?!!”.
I’m not here trying to say which one is right, but I believe that we’ve got a serious problem which should be solved rather than kept as taboo.
If men are not performing enough, they should seek advice, they should keep in their minds that women need them to be sexually active and try their best to make them enjoy being together rather than having it as homework.
We need to think more about the new generation and start teaching them proper things rather then letting them learning from the street.
I think the matter was brilliantly discussed in Adel Immam’s movie “Sleeping in honey” And another movie "The Ostrich and the Peacock"